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The Stoic Club (later becoming The Lazy Cowpoke Stop'n Go) is a club located in Summers from EarthBound. It is a private club whose members stare at a rock believed to be magical and philosophize. Members eat the magic cake provided by the woman in the pink dress near the entrance of the club.
When Ness and co. first visit Summers, they cannot enter the club. When the door is approached, the group are informed that "This is not the Stoic Club. Please be on your way...". In order to enter the club, Ness needs to find its phone number by talking to a resident of the port of Toto.
At the end of the game, the Stoic Club shuts down and becomes a truck stop called "The Lazy Cowpoke Stop'n Go" that claims to have loud music, great food, and really rowdy crowds.
- The patrons of the club have the following discussions:
- The normal man near the entrance comments on Ness and his friends' thesis on enthropy works with his own thesis on space-time synthesis.
- The blond man expresses disbelief that the person he's talking to (it is unclear if it was the woman next to him or Ness and his friends) has doubts about the final collapse of capitalism being inevitable.
- Ironically, Earthbound, the game the Stoic Club first debuted in, was released three to four years after the collapse of the Soviet Union and its satellite states in the Eastern Bloc.
- The blond woman next to him fell asleep regarding a complex question.
- A black man (implied to be a waiter) comments that he serves water (the club's only beverage) and occasionally indulges in the sophisticated conversations, despite his personally not understanding them, and then offers Ness and his friends some water.
- A pink-dressed waitress explains the functions of the club to Ness and his friends, and admits that she personally found the concept to be stupid.
- A heavyset man is distracted with wanting magic cake and tries unsuccessfully to engage in intellectual babble about "the absolute irony of self-identification" to distract himself. He's the only character besides the sailor's wife who needs to be talked with to advance in the game, as talking to him is what makes her available to conversing with Ness and his friends.
- The sailor's wife is discussing her finding her inner self and concepts of the ego, superego, and id. If the player talks to her before talking to the heavyset man above, the sailor's wife will not acknowledge Ness and his friends' presence.